I'll be there for you.

Today, I had to listen to and offer advice on what I hope was the last time my dearest friend at school will ever be upset over a guy who has proved to be ridiculously unworthy of her love and attention. I know it's hard for her and that she has gone through hell, but I'm honestly glad to see things come to a close (hopefully). She deserves the best because she gives so much of herself to everyone, and she is so bright (in both intelligence and disposition) that she is going to change the freaking world in ways I cannot even imagine, and I will fight to the death anyone who threatens to get in her way again.

Friendship is an odd little thing... sometimes, it makes you want to whirl around in circles singing "The Sound of Music" or equally cheesy and happy songs as you traipse across an open and lush green field. Others, it makes you want to bang your head into a brick wall, because your point may get across better that way. When you make the promise to always be there for a friend through everything, you cannot even begin to grasp all the troubles that "everything" encompasses. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, and getting older is just putting that into even sharper perspective.

Last year, I had a nonfiction creative writing class in which one of our assignments was to craft an essay in which we "spoke out" against something, some injustice, be it great or small, that we came across frequently in my everyday life. I wrote about my friends and the troubles they had with their boyfriends. Few people ever read it; I was too scared to let them know how I really felt. Looking back at this piece now, I can tell that much of it was written in a fit of rage and frustration while I myself lacked much understanding, but the message still rings true. Here are a few excerpts (which I am resisting the strong urge to edit some more):

I don't have a boyfriend, and right now, I really don't want one. Maybe it's because my idea of love and relationships is a little too Prince Charming on his white horse with the happily ever after. Maybe it's just because I'm ridiculously bitter over past failed relationships. Whatever the case may be, I'm okay with it. I'm waiting for a guy who will be worth my time and my attention; I don't want to throw away my life for someone who treats me like dirt, because I don't deserve it.

My friends don't share this sentiment. Almost every day, I watch them run out of the room to talk to their significant other on the phone, hear their cries of frustration through the thin walls of our dorm, then hold them as they cry. The reason is always different, yet it's always the same. Maybe she didn't pick up the phone fast enough, or he didn't like the way she talked about the joke-telling cashier at Barnes and Noble. God forbid she be excited about an interesting Psychology class or win a part in the fall theater production, because that will cut into the time she can listen to him whine about how pathetic his life is. The slightest misstep on my friends' parts sends their boyfriends into vicious tirades; they are belittled and shoved to the ground just to make him feel better about himself. Last I checked, that was classified as an unhealthy relationship. Aren't good relationships based on some sense of mutualism? Heck, even a symbiotic relationship would be better in this situation; to not be affected by a relationship at all would be leaps and bounds better than feeling small at the hands of someone who "loves" you.

Maybe I can say all of this because I'm speaking with somewhat of a hindsight bias, or maybe it's because I'm removed from the situation and can analyze from the outside. I've had approximately zero successful romances in my lifetime, and I'm far from being a relationship expert. But I know a bad thing when I see it. I understand that when a guy douses the vibrant flame within a girl's heart over something so insignificant as a delayed reply to a text message that something is not right. As much as she may pretend to be bulletproof, she is merely human; she should not have to sit back and watch her life pass her by in the name of love, or rather, a sick and twisted interpretation of love. No boy, no matter how handsome he is or how great a kisser and cuddler he is will ever be worth that. Will she ever understand this? I don't know. I hope so.

So lately, I've been keeping my mouth shut. Months of ignored and belittled advice have gotten me nowhere. Instead, I sit on the sofa. I hear the screams of confusion and frustration through a paper-thin wall. I wait. A few minutes later, the door slams open and I feel the sofa cushions sink beside me. My arms automatically embrace her, and my body shakes with her every convulsion of fear, sadness, and lack of understanding. I rest my chin on top of her head, stroking her hair and biting my tongue against the words that threaten to attack. That's not what she needs right now. So I'll say something tomorrow; things will be "better" by then. What else can I do?

So much has changed since I wrote this piece, yet one thing has remained the same: I will always be there for my friends. I may not approve of choices or decisions they make, but I love them unconditionally and will be there when they need me, whether it be for a hug as they cry or tissues when they cry from laughing so hard.

I love you, ladies. All of you, whether you be from SBC or SoCo, have changed my life and made me a better person. I hope you know that. Even when life sucks and even when I'm yelling at you because I'm upset, remember how much you mean to me and that I always care, come hell or high water.